IVF with donor eggs

I hate Facebook and other ramblings

Facebook and I have a love/hate relationship, as I’m sure is the case with most people these days. It’s kind of a necessary evil, although I’m sure it’s not really necessary, but I haven’t had enough coffee this morning to find the write adjective there. I love Facebook for the obvious reasons- I love keeping in touch with people, seeing their cute kids, and (let’s be honest) it TOTALLY plays into my gossipy, nosy, love for information. But I hate the politics unless you agree with my views, and I hate days like yesterday. Days like yesterday just send me into hysterics.

When we were trying to conceive our first baby, I remember Facebook being bad, as it is with everyone dealing with infertility. I remember seeing pregnancy announcements and crying at every single one. Mother’s Day was always hard, of course, but I think yesterday was the worst I’ve ever seen it. Perhaps that’s because I have more friends with kids now? I don’t know, I was pretty old when I had my first kid and I certainly felt like everyone around me was already a mom. I don’t know why it seemed worse yesterday, but it did. Everything was about honoring mom, and I kept scrolling through (because it’s like a train wreck – I knew it was going to make me upset, but I looked anyway) and I kept thinking about how if this is hard for me now, I can’t imagine what it must be like for (insert the name of my friend who is going through infertility, just lost a child, just lost a mother, chose not to be a mother, just had a miscarriage).  I have at least one friend who fits into every single one of those categories, and my heart broke for them. I couldn’t help but think about them yesterday and I thought – why are we putting such an emphasis on this day? Sure, let’s honor the mothers out there. They/We deserve it. We work HARD to be good moms, wives, etc. It is the hardest job on the planet – but goodness knows, things got out of control with the doting – it became a competition…

Mother’s Day Facebook competition —  whose husband is going to write the sweetest message about his wife and mom of his children? Who is going to get the best Mother’s Day gift? Whose kid is going to write the funniest thing on the “all about mom” page that every kid in every grade of every school writes? Who got to sleep in the latest, got breakfast in bed, got to go to the beach? Who has the cutest family picture with matching clothes? Who went to the nicest restaurant for lunch? Who got the prettiest flowers?

It’s like Valentine’s Day exploded all over again! GROSS!

***TRIGGER WARNING- I’m about to sound like a spoiled brat, and worse, a spoiled brat who has everything she’s ever dreamed of, and for those of you who haven’t yet, please don’t judge me!***

I was bothered, more so than usual by all of this nonsense, because I got none of it (see, here’s when I start to sound like that spoiled brat!) Here’s the thing – I’m not a wine and dine kind of girl. I don’t expect a reservation at the nicest restaurant, I don’t want jewelry, or any other present that isn’t hand made by my kid on Mother’s Day.  I don’t need breakfast in bed, or a gushing Facebook post. I asked for one thing – to sleep late. I ask to sleep late 2 days out of the year – my birthday and Mother’s Day. Well, yesterday morning my kid came in the room as she usually does, and my husband turned on a movie for her to watch so that I could go back to sleep. So there I was with my snoring husband on one side of me, my child on the other side of me, and “Wreck it Ralph” playing on the TV. I know I should lie say that I am just so happy to have a child that crawls into bed with me…and I AM SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL- believe me, that was what I told myself over and over again for the 2 hours I lay there trying to sleep. I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. I HAVE EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER ASKED FOR – except for one day to sleep in late. (Side note – I also thanked God for the fact that I have dishes to unload and a dishwasher to unload them from as I was doing that while my husband slept – I was on a serious “woe-is-me” role yesterday!)

So then my daughter asked for breakfast, so I got up and fixed us some breakfast. And when my husband finally woke up 3 hours later, I told him that I would like a do-over next weekend. He honestly looked shocked, like “what do you  mean? I didn’t make you get out of bed. I turned a movie on!” and I calmly told him that it doesn’t count and next Sunday I want him to sacrifice his sleep so that I can get mine – because that is what I do every single weekend of the year. And that is just about the most spoiled I have ever sounded, and I think he was genuinely blown away.

I write a lot of this in jest – I’m giggling to myself as I type. I know I am so lucky. Yesterday, waking up early with my 5 year old climbing into bed with me, fixing her breakfast as I do every other day of the year, breathing in her dirty smell, and feeling her hands wrap around my waist – this beats sleeping in 365 days a year – times a million!

We ate lunch at a pizza buffet (it was my choice – I told you I don’t do fancy), we had a nap, and swam at a friend’s house. It was a typical Sunday afternoon. I never got a sweet Facebook message. I didn’t get any presents, except for what she made me at school, and I spent a lot of time crying. But I wasn’t crying because of what I didn’t get on Mother’s Day. I was crying for what I do have…a house, a husband, and a child that is my very own. And I was crying for those out there who felt much worse than me. Sure, I’d like to be shown a little appreciation more, not just on Mother’s Day, but ALL THE TIME, but welcome to motherhood. That’s what it’s about – a selfless act of love. It’s what I prayed for and finally got. I am beyond blessed in so many ways.

Now, Facebook and I are taking a break from each other. I don’t deserve to feel less appreciated just because other families are more outward with it than mine is. So Facebook and I are breaking up for a bit. Unless, of course, my husband decides to gush on me for doing the laundry on a Monday  – then I’ll bask in all the lovely likes and comments from friends I haven’t seen in years and feel better about myself. Until that happens, I’ll find joy in what I have, and that’s good enough.

 

3 thoughts on “I hate Facebook and other ramblings

  1. As grateful as you are to be a Mom you sure deserve a morning to actually sleep in ( as in your kid is not near your peaceful slumbering body). Hope you get it next weekend. I am with you on FB- although I think there is usually a negative correlation between bragging about being happy and #blessed on FB and actually being happy. So I usually roll my eyes at those posts but press ‘like’ because I assume the person really needs the validation. Xo

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    1. I completely agree! I feel like people who need that validation on social media, must really struggle to find the good in other ways. I could go on and on about how I think this is really so bad for our society…this outward validation…and I kick myself for letting it get to me. But I DO deserve to sleep in late! ha!

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  2. I am sorry you didn’t get to sleep in. That wasn’t fair at all! I hope you get a do-over.

    Oh I totally understand the Facebook thing. I am taking a facebook break too! I never thought I would get to that point, but I barely go on it anymore because it doesn’t bring me anything but angst. And I am not announcing it, I am just not going on anymore. Anyone who knows me well enough to contact me knows my phone number.

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