IVF with donor eggs

NIAW: Listen Up

listen up

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week and the theme this year is “Listen Up.” And really, that’s what any person struggling with infertility needs, is for someone to just listen.

To Family Members and Friends:

Your advice isn’t wanted or needed, especially in regards to my treatments. I have received the following advice from various people along the way:

  • You should just adopt
  • Just relax and it will happen
  • I had a friend once who was told it was impossible for her, but then it worked
  • Isn’t one enough?
  • You shouldn’t do the treatments. It must not be in God’s plan for you to have children.
  • Go see a nun – she works miracles
  • You shouldn’t do the treatments because the hormones will give you cancer
  • Just wait – it will happen when it’s supposed to
  • You’re so young – there isn’t any rush
  • Why don’t you just use a surrogate?

I could go on and on. The problem with most of this advice, is it’s given without fully understanding what my problems are. And I get that. I didn’t understand how babies were made until I had to understand it. I didn’t know what Fallopian tubes do, or how ovaries work, or what a follicle was. I don’t expect for anyone else to understand it either.

So, just listen…

I am happy to explain what you don’t understand. The problem is, I need to know what you don’t understand. So ask me, and then be prepared to…LISTEN.



To Insurance Companies,

Infertility is a disease. 1 in 8 people suffer from some form of infertility, yet none, NONE, of the treatments are covered by insurance companies most of the time. The thing that holds most infertile couples back from becoming parents is most often finances. Fertility treatments are so dang expensive! I remember being shocked by the $1,500 bill for the hysteroscopy to have my tubes checked out. It was the first ever test that was performed and I remember thinking “this better work!” And then we skipped a whole bunch of other steps and had to go straight to the big guns – $15,000 for one IVF cycle, plus the cost of medications, and none of it was covered. So insurance companies, LISTEN UP!


To Politicians,

Signing bills like the Personhood Amendment doesn’t just make laws against abortion, it also has the potential to harm the field of infertility treatments. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this bill defines life at fertilization…not conception, fertilization.

There are so many things wrong with that statement, but mostly that, in most cases, fertilization happens at the very top of a Fallopian Tube, way before the woman knows she is pregnant (about 2 weeks before, actually). So you’re risking tubal pregnancies, early miscarriages, and a million other things that could happen, which could potentially be considered the woman’s fault under the guidelines of this bill.

But in regards to fertility treatment, IVF to be specific, fertilization happens outside of the body. So according to this bill, embryos made in a lab are human beings. And should anything happen to those embryos, someone is to blame – for murder. This bill has the potential to stop fertility treatments altogether because no doctor, or embryologist, is going to want to take that risk.

So politicians…LISTEN UP. We deserve to be heard.

embryo being fertilized

As with anyone who is going through some sort of struggle that is hard for the majority of the population to understand, we just want to be able to share, without judgement. Sometimes we just need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes we may want a prayer. Most of the time, we just want you to LISTEN.


2 thoughts on “NIAW: Listen Up

    1. I know they have tried to pass it on the state level in several different states. I became familiar with it when they were trying to pass it in Mississippi when I was living there. Luckily it didn’t pass! I saw some things about them trying to pass it at a national level a few months ago. It may not be called the same thing, but it’s the same legislation, and it’s scary stuff!

      Liked by 1 person

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